This happened today morning. My father asked me if I needed any study material for Physics, since it’s my 12th standard and I have to study for my HSC, JEE and whatnot. I told him honestly that I didn’t think I’m gonna get any good at Physics. He straightaway said, “You shouldn’t be saying that now. There’s a lot of expectations from you.”
Expectation, a phenomenon which, believe it or not, sounds that much complicated and ridiculous to me.
I’d been a “bright” student since the 1st Grade, all thanks to my parents and teachers. Obviously, that increased the level of everybody’s expectations from me. The expectations were ever-increasing during my post-8th Grade period.
The problem is, literally nobody realised that I’m a mere piece of shit without my parents and teachers. Even my parents think it was me all along who got good grades. It was my mother who sat with me a week before exams until the 7th Grade, who made me learn all the answers and write them on question papers she made herself, while managing all her household chores. The problem is, nobody realised that it was my father who worked hard to pay all the fees; he was the one who dropped me off at my tuitions during my 10th, picked me up from school twice or thrice a week on days I had extra technical education lectures in 8th, 9th and 10th. He downloaded all the study material for me during my 10th which I didn’t bother to look at before a month before board exams.
My folks have a 100% contribution in every good thing that I’ve ever done in my life yet, be it academic or cultural. I admit that-I might sound a jerk-if not out of love, it is my duty to repay everything that they have done for me. However, somewhere down the line, I think the medium that I use to repay them must be the one I choose. They’ve sacrificed their luxuries so I could ask for what I want, say what I want and do what I want, but was it only until I was a kid with no sense of choice?
It was my parents who taught me to write different essays when I was in the 1st Grade. As a result, I got good at creative writing. My essays have always been good, and based on what my teachers have to say, praiseworthy. With a little more help from my friends and J.K. Rowling, I started reading too. Taking a little inspiration from my strength and my hobby, I was suddenly writing a novel. It was after a few months that I told my parents about it and before and within a month, all my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins knew about it.
They say it’s better if you turn your hobby into your profession and that’s what I considered, but my parents are against it. They want me to blend in and choose the safe profession just like everybody else-Software engineering. I know they’re not wrong and they know what’s best for me, but I’m not totally wrong either. Expectations bring out the best in some people and I know it well, but it just doesn’t happen to me if its not my field in which I’m expected to excel more than excellence. How am I supposed to do engineering when I don’t understand physics and hate chemistry? How am I supposed to score excellently in a national-level examination when I don’t even understand the basics? But how am I supposed to give up when the future of my parents, my family, lies in my hands? How can I not try to win, when it’s not just me who’s gonna lose if I don’t. How can I stop chasing their dreams along with mine, when they expect me to fulfill their expectations? I can’t and I won’t.
One thing’s for damn sure, though. If I ever have kids, I won’t have any expectations from them regarding their choice of a profession except that they excel in whatever they choose to become.